A portion of Bonnie's winning essay:
I stood in front of an adorable two story cottage with a white picket fence around the yard and flower beds in their full glory. The home radiated the image of small town
America. I grabbed several bags of intricately sewn teddy bears and threw them over my shoulder as if I were Santa. I took a deep breath and marched out of the public eye and into a world that I didn’t know existed, much less understood. Inside the walls were children running, mothers talking, and women filling out paperwork; inside the storybook cottage was a haven, a shelter for abused women and children. Word spread rapidly that I was there to give presents, and the children flocked around more quickly than I could open the bags of teddy bears.
One child immediately fell in love, and she snuck off to a corner hugging her new friend and chattering away as if the bear would surely carry on an elaborate conversation with her. Another child struggled to decide on which bear would be hers. She traded a dozen times before deciding on a bear that was red with a plaid tummy and ears. However, the child that I remember most clearly was a little boy about four or five years old. He grabbed up his teddy bear, sternly proceeded to a corner, and began crying and pummeling the bear. I stood there with crocodile tears in my eyes, unsure of what to do, and feeling very much like a failure.
After that experience, I slowly faded away from working with children. I spent less time working in nurseries and working with the Daisy Girl Scout troop that I had led. I spent more time with elders for awhile, and finally, ended up working with architects. Surely, this would be easier than seeing a child emotionally reenact a behavior that he learned somewhere. Despite my pink shirts and high heels, most of the rather gruff men I worked with grew to respect my design talents, and I proceeded to actively pursue scholarships to architecture and design schools in North Carolina and South Carolina. My love for children and their wellbeing did not fade though, and I grew very dissatisfied with spending hours interacting with none other than my computer. I missed their smiles; I missed them reaching up to hold my hand with their pudgy little hands, but mostly I missed watching them grow. Childhood is a time that rapidly shapes who we will become, and I missed watching the discovery and enthusiasm a child experiences.
About the time that Clemson University informed me of my scholarship to study architecture, a precious gift came into my life, David. David is my godson; his mother, Holly, is my best friend. I knew Cleveland County had one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state. I had talked with many of my friends when they were uncertain of how to talk to their families about their pregnancies, but it never really hit me until it was Holly. The pregnancy was the beginning of many difficult times to come. Her boyfriend became an aggressive alcoholic. After David was born, he disappeared. All of the sudden because of my love for Holly, I had to face children again. How could I do it? I knew that one day we would have to tell this precious child why his daddy was not around. I knew that it was going to be hard with Holly and me both working and in school, but as I set there holding David on October 17, 2002, I didn’t care. All I knew is that I had never been so deeply in love.
The year continued as I wrestled with what I should do with my life.
Clemson was the closest school to David, so I decided I would attend the university and figure out my life later. However, a trip to Europe confirmed my path early because I saw my natural gravitation towards children in some of the underprivileged areas that I stayed. I returned from Europe, and announced to my family that I was no longer interested in a career in architecture. They were shocked, but incredibly supportive.
When I reached Clemson, I quickly found my path as a Public Health Science major. My family laughed as they recalled the curly headed child who when asked if she too was going to work in the health field would firmly reply, “I’m smarter than that.” I had seen the struggles of my mother, a development child psychologist, when she was faced with impossible situations. I had talked through many problems with my father, grandfather, aunt and uncle who were all medical doctors. In my mind, I knew better than to face people who were set in their ways, litigations and endless piles of paperwork, but sociology got the best of me. I knew that this was my purpose in life.
Research and policy quickly became interests of mine at Clemson, so I took an internship at Radiant Research and Greer OBGYN. The internship helped me realize the importance of coordinating the health of children with the health of their parents. The internship was specifically for writing a clinical drug trial to modify a drug called Depo-Provera because in some populations it causes drastic bone loss, even osteoporosis, in very young women. However, much of my time was spent working in an OBGYN clinic with women. My heart raced as I watched babies in three dimensional ultrasound pictures. I deeply enjoyed talking to mothers about breast feeding and nap times for their baby. It was in this internship that I truly affirmed my destiny to work with children, but I also learned that I loved research, policy and working with parents.
A spark was lit after my experience with the children from Greer OBGYN.
I signed up to work with the International Foundation for the Medical
Relief of Children. We raised money and collected items to be sent to
children all over the world. Recently, I was offered the honor of
traveling to Costa Rica to work with children on their nutrition and
wellness. As I anxiously wait for December, I wonder not only if I will
help these children, but I also wonder what they will have to teach me.
My internship at Radiant Research also directed me to another internship site that I will work at during the spring of 2006. I was offered a position with the Child Life program at Greenville Hospital System. Here I will spend time with children who are dealing with the stress of illnesses and hospitals. We’ll spend time using ‘medical play’ to explain surgeries, intravenous punctures, and other procedures. I’ll also spend time listening to them and trying to find ways to help them not only deal with their environment, but enjoy it while they are there.
There are other various experiences and attributes, both positive and negative, which will help me in future social work settings. One of my true weaknesses is the desire to make every circumstance better and positive for everyone involved, and while college has shown me that this is impossible, I still desire to keep a positive attitude about situations. Though I do have this weakness of overly caring, I have become more aware of it and find that being aware of is actually one of my strengths. I have learned to step back and assess situations frequently. This way I take care of myself; thus, I can continue to care for others. In speaking with a friend that is a social worker, she also told me that one of the hardest parts to her job is being comfortable in intimidating situations or environments. I know that as a petite female I am at a disadvantage in many environments. However, my training in martial arts will make it easier for me to go into some settings than it would be for most students. Contrary to what most people think, martial arts train you to learn how not to fight. I believe another asset that I have is my experience with research grants, policies, protocols, diplomacy, and coordination. It is often said, “no margin, no mission,”
I have spent significant amounts of time lobbying for money to support programs such as my thesis and the clinical drug trial that I wrote. I have become certified by the National Coalition Building Institute in diversity issues. I also have been certified by both the NIH and CITI to complete research with human subjects. Jobs teaching and tutoring have helped me learn how to communicate with people better, and I have extensive training in various models of behavior change. At the conclusion of my experience at Clemson University, I hope to continue building my skills at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. As I spent hours looking for the perfect graduate program, I discovered the double masters program in Social Work and the Science of Public Health with an emphasis in maternal and child health. I couldn’t have designed a program more suited for my dreams. After this, I hope to continue my education by earning my M.D. to become a pediatric oncologist. It is my goal, my dream, to work with children who need to cry and pulverize teddy bears. If I had the proper skill set, I now see that the time in the shelter could have been an opportunity for growth rather than disappointment. Next time, I would like to be able to approach that child and know how to help and how to break that cycle of abuse.
Childhood is such an impressionable time. I was blessed with a supportive and loving family, but not everyone is as blessed as I. In the words of Hemmingway, all I ask is for the opportunity to help these children become, “strong in the broken place.”
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